Remember how I said I have an overactive imagination? Well, let me tell you how my morning experience went from this:
Allow me to share the story. The morning started off normally enough, alarm buzzing at 5 a.m. and me blissfully ignoring it until 5:30. I finally drag myself out of bed, go through the morning routine – brush teeth, put in contacts, find clothes from the massive pile of freshly washed laundry, chase Sir Whisky to give him his meds, etc – then tell S good-bye before heading out the door.
I step outside and head down the walk. I look up to see lights on near the woods. A bit strange, but I thought maybe the landlords had turned on the heat lamps in the grove, although it wasn’t quite cold enough. But still, not something to worry my sleepy little head about. So I go on my merry way, about to step off the sidewalk in front of the garage when what do I see in the clearing where S keeps his garden?
A MOTHER EFFING SHADOW RUNNING ACROSS THE MOTHER EFFING GRASS.
Me being the calm, cool, collected person that I am, proceeded to throw my lunchbox to the ground, drop my keys in an attempt to spin around while tripping over my own feet, struggle to retrieve them with trembling fingers, and pound my way back inside. I rush back into the bedroom and ask S to walk me to my truck since, you know, I just saw a serial killer in the woods.
It takes about 30 seconds from the time I rush back inside, recruit S, S puts on some clothes, and we walk back outside. The light is gone. All is dark in the woods, all is silent in the early morning. So I tell him what happened, then leave for work, all the while wondering WTF just happened. When I get home, S tries to use logic on me, suggesting maybe it was a flashlight (light was way too big for that) or that it was a shadow of a raccoon elongated in the light (uh, since when are raccoons long and skinny and walking on two legs), or that I was seeing my own shadow (dude, I was standing perfectly still). But ultimately, he agreed that this horrific and fear-inspiring event needs to be handled, and handled now.
Where does creepy alien picture come in? Well, I can’t be left alone with these kinds of experiences or images in my head. Nothing good comes of it. The shadow that vaguely resembles a person suddenly morphs into a gangly creature with claws and an alien-esque saunter (think “Signs” but in shadow). And the lights? WTF else can just mysteriously light up the land and then disappear without so much as a sound save for a spaceship – especially when the alien shadow was running away from the light? Damnit. I was almost abducted by an alien shadow, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a nice one. For those of you who don’t know, I’m kind of terrified of evil ghosts and aliens (especially little kid ghosts, they are effing scary). So naturally, what could have very well been a huge bird (like the barred owls here) has become an alien shadow. There really is no other explanation.
The good news? No serial killer was waiting for me when I got home and all our stuff is still here. The bad news? While I don’t know what I saw, the fact remains that I saw something. Something was running for the fence, something was in the woods, something caused a light way too big for a flashlight and just the right size for headlights to turn off within a 30-second timespan, and since those lights were the opposite direction of the running shadow, something may have had a partner.
So what does this mean? It means security just got a whole lot tighter at the K & S household. Granted, we’re already door-locking, alarm-setting, shoot-first-ask-questions-later kind of folk, but the alien shadow best keep its distance. Taking out a bad guy at 5 am isn’t an adventure I look forward to, but I ain’t going down without a fight.